Happy first birthday, www.joshkabosh.blogspot.com.
As a present, you get a new brownish template.
Sorry for not watering you in two months.
','
I've never understood people who get a cucumber sandwich with vinegar sauce then leave it out over night. Why not just get a pickle sandwich?
Now that I think about it, I don't think I've met anyone who has ever made a cucumber sandwich then left it out all night. Well, even if someone did, I think that would be completely unnecessary. Why would anyone ever do that?
What a ridiculous world we live in.
','
This evening, I asked my roommate if he had any hot chocolate, and he told me to go out to the breaker box in the hallway if I wanted to get some. I went out to the breaker box and he told me to turn the breaker for room 113, but I decided not to turn it because I didn't know whose room it was, nor did I know how switching a breaker would get me hot chocolate.
He asked me why I wouldn't switch it and I said that I didn't trust him, to which he responded by slapping me across the face. This constituted our second slap altercation involving hot chocolate.
I retreated to my place of study, but my roommate continued persuading me to go turn the breaker for room 113. After much deliberation, I gave in and went back to the breaker box.
Upon opening the box, a bag of hot chocolate mix mysteriously fell out.
I later realized that room 113 is the room I live in, and that the breaker for our hot pot was switched.
','
Lately I’ve been suffering from a severe case of Crononausea (also known as Time Nausea, but not to be confused with Cronophobia.)
I asked my professor in class the other day how long our next exam would take, and when he said 2 hours I nearly lost my lunch on the guy next to me.
I went to 6 flags the other day, and the 45 minute wait for the roller coaster made me incredibly ill. Riding the roller coaster actually made me feel great because it was only about a minute long.
Plus, all the moving and flipping around counteracted my vertigo, so I felt perfectly still the entire ride.
','
.:Josh
politics.
I’m not an anarchist, but how about a break from this whole ‘president thing’?
Here is what I propose-
Elect a farm animal to take the role of president (nothing metaphorical here, just practical politics.) This system will ensure a safe, stable presidential system, but it will also provide the nation with a scapegoat in which to place the nation’s woes. Whats more, an assassination of the president could mean more fried chicken. Everyone loves chicken.
In fact I would like to take this further and say that when a politician finishes their term in any branch of government, they should automatically be replaced by a farm animal of their choice. After a decade, or so, a political cleansing will have taken place and we can reinstate regular unpredictable and untrustworthy humans to run our checks and balances.
You might say that having a senate chamber full of farm animals is probably the closest you could get to anarchy in every sense of the word. I would mostly agree, except that when you elect a cow into political office, you know exactly what to expect from it: Milk and Beef. So if all the animals are consistently producing the things we expect from farm animals, then we may actually have the closest thing to organized and reliable government we may ever get.
There would probably have to be a prohibition on mudslinging.
Obama says Palin is lipstick on a pig? Well, there is one voter out there who would like to see that pig become a reality.
Pork for President.
Here is what I propose-
Elect a farm animal to take the role of president (nothing metaphorical here, just practical politics.) This system will ensure a safe, stable presidential system, but it will also provide the nation with a scapegoat in which to place the nation’s woes. Whats more, an assassination of the president could mean more fried chicken. Everyone loves chicken.
In fact I would like to take this further and say that when a politician finishes their term in any branch of government, they should automatically be replaced by a farm animal of their choice. After a decade, or so, a political cleansing will have taken place and we can reinstate regular unpredictable and untrustworthy humans to run our checks and balances.
You might say that having a senate chamber full of farm animals is probably the closest you could get to anarchy in every sense of the word. I would mostly agree, except that when you elect a cow into political office, you know exactly what to expect from it: Milk and Beef. So if all the animals are consistently producing the things we expect from farm animals, then we may actually have the closest thing to organized and reliable government we may ever get.
There would probably have to be a prohibition on mudslinging.
Obama says Palin is lipstick on a pig? Well, there is one voter out there who would like to see that pig become a reality.
Pork for President.
Sky Rockets and Mars
When mankind had thought he had made an engineering breakthrough by mounting a space shuttle on the back of a 747, they didn't ask me what I thought. Try mounting a Sunfish on top of a town and country and live to tell about it.
Notice the use of blue tie-downs used to secure the craft to the vehicle. None of these devices were used on the space shuttle. It's probably why they'll never get to Mars.
','
A recent survey showed that Mars is the second most hated planet in our solar system, losing 1st to Venus's inability to have a practical name.
While this recent jump in planet hate has startled many, few can answer why.
"I think its just the hard times the world is goin' through, with the war in a rock 'n all." substitute school teacher Joni Barwelt says.
In an interview with the president of the Mars Coalition for Peace, Daniel Mahonda, some much wanted light was shed on the situation
"What it comes down to in my eyes is simply this: No oil, no love. NASA just spent 3 billion dollars on a robot that they sent to Mars, and all they found are some white rocks which just disappeared after a few days. If they had found something black and bubbly, I'm sure there would be a much different story for Mars right now."
Mahonda continued to talk about the bright future for Mars.
"The only reason Mars is getting this much hate is because of the press. As soon as the Phoenix's little batteries run out I think the Mystery of Mars will start to enchant people again."
John Zik from the Board of Planetary Discretion showed a much more pessimistic view for Mars.
"I don't think Mars has more than 4 years left as being a legitimate planet. Just look at x-planet Pluto. It only made it up to the 5th most hated planet when it was de-planetised. Just because Mars is close to Earth, doesn't mean that it is going to pay your taxes."
When asked about the other most hated planet, Venus, Zik responded,
"If you can make a cartoon about it or name your dog after it, then it probably isn't a good candidate for a planet. Venus has no place in mainstream media which is why it will remain a planet for quite some time."
Zik's comments hint at the idea that perhaps Earth isn't a good candidate as a planet either.
While analysts may disagree of the reasons for Mars's unpopularity, they suspect most of the finger pointing will shift towards Jupiter by 2011.
"Jupiter failed to become a star 300 billion years ago, and it failed to be there for my daughter's piano recital yesterday" Astronomer expert Mark Blumenbergen said in a press release Wednesday "I hate Jupiter."
Notice the use of blue tie-downs used to secure the craft to the vehicle. None of these devices were used on the space shuttle. It's probably why they'll never get to Mars.
','
A recent survey showed that Mars is the second most hated planet in our solar system, losing 1st to Venus's inability to have a practical name.
While this recent jump in planet hate has startled many, few can answer why.
"I think its just the hard times the world is goin' through, with the war in a rock 'n all." substitute school teacher Joni Barwelt says.
In an interview with the president of the Mars Coalition for Peace, Daniel Mahonda, some much wanted light was shed on the situation
"What it comes down to in my eyes is simply this: No oil, no love. NASA just spent 3 billion dollars on a robot that they sent to Mars, and all they found are some white rocks which just disappeared after a few days. If they had found something black and bubbly, I'm sure there would be a much different story for Mars right now."
Mahonda continued to talk about the bright future for Mars.
"The only reason Mars is getting this much hate is because of the press. As soon as the Phoenix's little batteries run out I think the Mystery of Mars will start to enchant people again."
John Zik from the Board of Planetary Discretion showed a much more pessimistic view for Mars.
"I don't think Mars has more than 4 years left as being a legitimate planet. Just look at x-planet Pluto. It only made it up to the 5th most hated planet when it was de-planetised. Just because Mars is close to Earth, doesn't mean that it is going to pay your taxes."
When asked about the other most hated planet, Venus, Zik responded,
"If you can make a cartoon about it or name your dog after it, then it probably isn't a good candidate for a planet. Venus has no place in mainstream media which is why it will remain a planet for quite some time."
Zik's comments hint at the idea that perhaps Earth isn't a good candidate as a planet either.
While analysts may disagree of the reasons for Mars's unpopularity, they suspect most of the finger pointing will shift towards Jupiter by 2011.
"Jupiter failed to become a star 300 billion years ago, and it failed to be there for my daughter's piano recital yesterday" Astronomer expert Mark Blumenbergen said in a press release Wednesday "I hate Jupiter."
[Intentionally left blank]
Hello Blog Hogs. I generally only write on my blog when I have meaningful writing to do such as school papers and/or an exam. Although between writing a paper and writing a blog post, in the end sometimes these posts have more meaning than my listless papers do. Horrifying, I know.
‘,’
Recently I read a science fiction novel called “Ender’s Game”. It was good, except every time I would turn the page more words would appear. Honestly, it started to stress me out a little. I mean, I just read two pages worth of words, now you want me to read two more? If I could have a few minutes to reflect on what I've read, I’m sure I would have enjoyed the book a lot more.
It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet with a plot and no seconds.
You see, back before there were words, books were no more than pieces paper stuck between two pieces of cardboard. They left a lot of room for imagination and the opportunity for the reader to project his or her own thoughts and ideas into the book. Books were much more enjoyable that way.
Books were a hit back then.
However to the chagrin of book-projecters worldwide, a man named Gutenberg invented words, and with that proceeded to print them on every piece of blank paper in the world [1]. Unfortunately, his destruction of the original books was so enormous that there are very few copies left to this day. And let me be the first to say there is nothing guten about that.
However, this legacy of book writing has not been completely forgotten.
The “This page intentionally left blank” phrase is possibly one of the most widely disputed sentences of all time among scholars and poets [2]. Its illogical self refuting nature makes it a masterpiece of literature as well as an eyesore in the history of blank-page writing.
Most people don’t realize this, but Philip Massinger wrote many blank novels including _____ and ______ . He later gave into wordcraft with his debut ironically titled, “The Virgin Matyr.” Unfortunately his blank writing never caught steam in the vast erosion of the blank book era and his early works are now lost to history [3].
I have since revised this lost art in my own work. Although my professors cannot truly appreciate this form, I’m sure the great minds of the past applaud my attempt.
','
Citations
---------
[1] Thats just plain history, folks. (1400-1500ish)
[2] Most people know this. (Brokheimer, Arnold. Arguments Worth Remembering. In a Dark Alley: New City State, 1284.)
[3] My guess is as good as yours.
‘,’
Recently I read a science fiction novel called “Ender’s Game”. It was good, except every time I would turn the page more words would appear. Honestly, it started to stress me out a little. I mean, I just read two pages worth of words, now you want me to read two more? If I could have a few minutes to reflect on what I've read, I’m sure I would have enjoyed the book a lot more.
It’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet with a plot and no seconds.
You see, back before there were words, books were no more than pieces paper stuck between two pieces of cardboard. They left a lot of room for imagination and the opportunity for the reader to project his or her own thoughts and ideas into the book. Books were much more enjoyable that way.
Books were a hit back then.
However to the chagrin of book-projecters worldwide, a man named Gutenberg invented words, and with that proceeded to print them on every piece of blank paper in the world [1]. Unfortunately, his destruction of the original books was so enormous that there are very few copies left to this day. And let me be the first to say there is nothing guten about that.
However, this legacy of book writing has not been completely forgotten.
The “This page intentionally left blank” phrase is possibly one of the most widely disputed sentences of all time among scholars and poets [2]. Its illogical self refuting nature makes it a masterpiece of literature as well as an eyesore in the history of blank-page writing.
Most people don’t realize this, but Philip Massinger wrote many blank novels including _____ and ______ . He later gave into wordcraft with his debut ironically titled, “The Virgin Matyr.” Unfortunately his blank writing never caught steam in the vast erosion of the blank book era and his early works are now lost to history [3].
I have since revised this lost art in my own work. Although my professors cannot truly appreciate this form, I’m sure the great minds of the past applaud my attempt.
','
Citations
---------
[1] Thats just plain history, folks. (1400-1500ish)
[2] Most people know this. (Brokheimer, Arnold. Arguments Worth Remembering. In a Dark Alley: New City State, 1284.)
[3] My guess is as good as yours.
Baseball, Juice, Endearing
[As a disclaimer, I do enjoy watching friends play baseball as well as playing an occasional game myself. It is the major leagues I point my comments at.]
"So I see this headline today on the news which says, Congress Says to Clean Up Baseball. Well hey, why not just get rid of it altogether? I mean really, does anybody actually enjoy it? Obviously, the players don't enjoy it. The team owners have to pay them ridiculous amounts of money just to get them to hit a ball with a wooden stick." [Joshkabosh March 18, 2005]
When we say baseball is "America's favorite pastime", is that really the idea we're going for? Is it that we do not have enough to do and so we collectively decided to have a national time-wasting activity?
','
The color of an Orange is orange. Yellow juice, however, is not called yellow juice. It is called Orange Juice because it comes from Oranges, which got it's name from being orange. Should not Orange Juice also get it’s name from it’s color as well?
I’m sure the same doofus who came up with this quandary also came up with the whole Hot Dog blunder. If you eat a piece of grilled beef between two pieces of bread, and the only thing you can think to say about it is, “hot dog”, then you would probably be welcomed with open arms in the juice section of the FDA.
I think if juice should have to share the name of it’s origins, for example pineapple juice comes from pineapple and so on, then it should be stated explicitly. Pineapple juice shouldn’t be pineapple juice, it should be Son of Pineapple juice. That way there isn’t any confusion as to what it is that you’re drinking. Asking for orange juice won’t be as confusing…
I ordered orange juice, but this juice is yellow. Take it away.
Juice identity should be very simple. I would like a tall glass of Son of Lemon juice, please.
Unfortunately the concept of “Pink Lemonade” is not something that can be discussed in a public forum such as this one. The idea of “Pink Lemonade” surpasses even the greatest metaphysical poet thus rendering it into an idea of absurdity not yet realized by modern thinking minds, except for the ones working in the juice section of the FDA. Their minds most resemble the electromagnet waves found in the earliest version of Pac-Man, complete with beeping sounds. Scientifically speaking of course.
I digress.
In one sense, juice that is from fruit is more or less the fruits of fruit. Fruit that gives back. Fruit that cares. If you get bored juggling oranges, then you can open it up and eat it. If eating it isn’t enough, you can squeeze the life out of it and make Son of Orange juice.
Life, give me lemons, for fruit is the most generous creature of all.
','
A poorly written sentence is more endearing than a well-written sentence. A well-written sentence is only read once, while a poorly written sentence is read time and time again.
','
"So I see this headline today on the news which says, Congress Says to Clean Up Baseball. Well hey, why not just get rid of it altogether? I mean really, does anybody actually enjoy it? Obviously, the players don't enjoy it. The team owners have to pay them ridiculous amounts of money just to get them to hit a ball with a wooden stick." [Joshkabosh March 18, 2005]
When we say baseball is "America's favorite pastime", is that really the idea we're going for? Is it that we do not have enough to do and so we collectively decided to have a national time-wasting activity?
','
The color of an Orange is orange. Yellow juice, however, is not called yellow juice. It is called Orange Juice because it comes from Oranges, which got it's name from being orange. Should not Orange Juice also get it’s name from it’s color as well?
I’m sure the same doofus who came up with this quandary also came up with the whole Hot Dog blunder. If you eat a piece of grilled beef between two pieces of bread, and the only thing you can think to say about it is, “hot dog”, then you would probably be welcomed with open arms in the juice section of the FDA.
I think if juice should have to share the name of it’s origins, for example pineapple juice comes from pineapple and so on, then it should be stated explicitly. Pineapple juice shouldn’t be pineapple juice, it should be Son of Pineapple juice. That way there isn’t any confusion as to what it is that you’re drinking. Asking for orange juice won’t be as confusing…
I ordered orange juice, but this juice is yellow. Take it away.
Juice identity should be very simple. I would like a tall glass of Son of Lemon juice, please.
Unfortunately the concept of “Pink Lemonade” is not something that can be discussed in a public forum such as this one. The idea of “Pink Lemonade” surpasses even the greatest metaphysical poet thus rendering it into an idea of absurdity not yet realized by modern thinking minds, except for the ones working in the juice section of the FDA. Their minds most resemble the electromagnet waves found in the earliest version of Pac-Man, complete with beeping sounds. Scientifically speaking of course.
I digress.
In one sense, juice that is from fruit is more or less the fruits of fruit. Fruit that gives back. Fruit that cares. If you get bored juggling oranges, then you can open it up and eat it. If eating it isn’t enough, you can squeeze the life out of it and make Son of Orange juice.
Life, give me lemons, for fruit is the most generous creature of all.
','
A poorly written sentence is more endearing than a well-written sentence. A well-written sentence is only read once, while a poorly written sentence is read time and time again.
','
Loud, Poem, Whisper, Gum
[DISCLAIMER: Every post on this weblogblog is usually the product of some sort of academic endeavor gone sour. Really sour.]
Right now about 95% of my mental effort is being used to provoke my inner diolouge about whether or not Heather or Sam can hear the music I'm playing (BT) or not.
1. Probably not, because they would probably say something about it if they could.
2. They do, but they're really enjoying it and wishing I would turn it up louder.
The other 4% is counting the steps to the bathroom leaving the last 1% divided between writing this blog and writing two papers that are due when school starts Monday.
I'm a good time manager, but not the best brain manager.
','
[A confused poem about unborn babies.]
Why do babies want to grow?
Especially when
tucked inside
a little tiny space.
How do they even breathe?
I can't begin to think
how much thats gotta stink.
When all you want do
is watch TV,
and maybe move your fingers
instead you have to listen
to your mom pee.
Upside down or right side up,
its all the same.
It just plain...
stinks.
Eating through your bellybutton
is quite bizarre.
I think.
Before I eat,
I thank the Lord
for the opprotunity
to eat through my mouth.
I feel for all those
unborn babies
who are forced
baby juice
through their belly button.
The umbilical chord.
Its like, the worlds
most advanced
straw.
Unfortunately they don't tell you
that no human being,
Except for your siblings,
Will ever be closer to your mother
than you. Physically.
Not in the good way.
And just when you think
its as bad as it could be,
well...
it gets worse.
After nine months
of solitary
confinement,
You get pooped out
by a screaming, sweaty, tired, woman.
This is the woman
that will be with you
throughout the duration
of this flight.
I don't know.
Putting "fit through
incredibly small
and uncomfortable place"
May not go on your resume.
I understand.
Just remember though,
if you can claw
your way out
Of a dirty dark
belly prison
You can do anything.
','
Now that I think about it, the difference between a horse whisperer and a whispering horse is incredible.
','
Gum: Something to really chew on.
','
Okay thats quite enough.
Joshua William
Right now about 95% of my mental effort is being used to provoke my inner diolouge about whether or not Heather or Sam can hear the music I'm playing (BT) or not.
1. Probably not, because they would probably say something about it if they could.
2. They do, but they're really enjoying it and wishing I would turn it up louder.
The other 4% is counting the steps to the bathroom leaving the last 1% divided between writing this blog and writing two papers that are due when school starts Monday.
I'm a good time manager, but not the best brain manager.
','
[A confused poem about unborn babies.]
Why do babies want to grow?
Especially when
tucked inside
a little tiny space.
How do they even breathe?
I can't begin to think
how much thats gotta stink.
When all you want do
is watch TV,
and maybe move your fingers
instead you have to listen
to your mom pee.
Upside down or right side up,
its all the same.
It just plain...
stinks.
Eating through your bellybutton
is quite bizarre.
I think.
Before I eat,
I thank the Lord
for the opprotunity
to eat through my mouth.
I feel for all those
unborn babies
who are forced
baby juice
through their belly button.
The umbilical chord.
Its like, the worlds
most advanced
straw.
Unfortunately they don't tell you
that no human being,
Except for your siblings,
Will ever be closer to your mother
than you. Physically.
Not in the good way.
And just when you think
its as bad as it could be,
well...
it gets worse.
After nine months
of solitary
confinement,
You get pooped out
by a screaming, sweaty, tired, woman.
This is the woman
that will be with you
throughout the duration
of this flight.
I don't know.
Putting "fit through
incredibly small
and uncomfortable place"
May not go on your resume.
I understand.
Just remember though,
if you can claw
your way out
Of a dirty dark
belly prison
You can do anything.
','
Now that I think about it, the difference between a horse whisperer and a whispering horse is incredible.
','
Gum: Something to really chew on.
','
Okay thats quite enough.
Joshua William
Desk and Snow
Sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk I have moments where I exercise unbelievable feats of strength, such as a few moments ago, when I was leaning back with my legs against my desk. I noticed that by adding a little pressure with my legs it took hardly any effort to move my giant desk forward.
But of course I didn't want to spend all day moving a desk, so I scooted my chair back up and got back to work.
','
Some people like to sing about how they would like God to rain down on them.
Well...
Would it be to much to ask for God to snow down on them? A good snow every now and then doesn't hurt anyone. Even spiritual snowing.
Unless its acidic snow. Thats the kind of snow that melts quickly. And painfully.
If you think a snowball to the face stings, wait till you get an acidic snowball to the face. I think at that point, you can only pray that someone will give you another snowball to the face, preferably some type of drug inducing snowball.
In the morning when I walk outside wearing snow pants and a wool hat complimented with matching reversible fingerless mittens, I ask God why he didn't make it snow while I was asleep (I also ask him if he made it 75 degrees to make some type of point.) Then again, if I were God, I'd probably make it snow rocks on the kids who complain about snow all the time. Then, they'd wake up and think, gee, I wonder if it didn't snow rocks today?
I think that would teach kids a valuable lesson about asking.
In my experience, its a lot easier to shovel a driveway full of snow than it is a driveway full of rocks.
If you put off shoveling snow, it biodegrades. If you put off shoveling rock, you biodegrade.
'.'
Joshua William David
But of course I didn't want to spend all day moving a desk, so I scooted my chair back up and got back to work.
','
Some people like to sing about how they would like God to rain down on them.
Well...
Would it be to much to ask for God to snow down on them? A good snow every now and then doesn't hurt anyone. Even spiritual snowing.
Unless its acidic snow. Thats the kind of snow that melts quickly. And painfully.
If you think a snowball to the face stings, wait till you get an acidic snowball to the face. I think at that point, you can only pray that someone will give you another snowball to the face, preferably some type of drug inducing snowball.
In the morning when I walk outside wearing snow pants and a wool hat complimented with matching reversible fingerless mittens, I ask God why he didn't make it snow while I was asleep (I also ask him if he made it 75 degrees to make some type of point.) Then again, if I were God, I'd probably make it snow rocks on the kids who complain about snow all the time. Then, they'd wake up and think, gee, I wonder if it didn't snow rocks today?
I think that would teach kids a valuable lesson about asking.
In my experience, its a lot easier to shovel a driveway full of snow than it is a driveway full of rocks.
If you put off shoveling snow, it biodegrades. If you put off shoveling rock, you biodegrade.
'.'
Joshua William David
Airport, Bed and Pen
I think the name Terminal has negative connotations. I think they should rename terminals to Wellspring of Life Zones. Then waiting for your plane won't be as horrifying.
','
I recently raised the top bunk as high as it could go. I would like to say how high it is, but I believe its height is beyond measurement and into the third realm of mormon heaven.
When I wake up on the bottom bunk, I look up and get this feeling that I've sunk several feet into the floor. But then I think, climbing up is less painful than falling down. The other thing I wonder is, if there were explosives attached to my alarm clock, would it be a bomb timer, or an explosive alarm clock? Either way, I don't take any chances.
','
I recently depleted the ink out of my favorite pen. This constitutes several milestones in my life.
1) I know what a pen is.
2) I know how to use it.
3) I've managed to keep track of the pen long enough to use all the ink.
As I was explaining this to an almost complete stranger, I realized that my standards for milestones might be lower than they should. But I bet I've had more milestones than any stranger in the world. Chew on that.
'.'
Josh
','
I recently raised the top bunk as high as it could go. I would like to say how high it is, but I believe its height is beyond measurement and into the third realm of mormon heaven.
When I wake up on the bottom bunk, I look up and get this feeling that I've sunk several feet into the floor. But then I think, climbing up is less painful than falling down. The other thing I wonder is, if there were explosives attached to my alarm clock, would it be a bomb timer, or an explosive alarm clock? Either way, I don't take any chances.
','
I recently depleted the ink out of my favorite pen. This constitutes several milestones in my life.
1) I know what a pen is.
2) I know how to use it.
3) I've managed to keep track of the pen long enough to use all the ink.
As I was explaining this to an almost complete stranger, I realized that my standards for milestones might be lower than they should. But I bet I've had more milestones than any stranger in the world. Chew on that.
'.'
Josh
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